To be honest, I don't care if anyone ever reads this, or if anyone cares. This is for me to vent and express myself since I don't know how else to do it. Why is it that every single day has to be a struggle. I fight this darkness that over hangs everything I do and I can't escape it. It isn't always apparent, but its always hanging out. Some days, I can only make out a single cloud covering the sky, but other days I can't make out which way is up. I wish I didn't have those days, and I dread just thinking that another one could be right around the corner, knowing that it will happen again hurts so much. I have fought with this illness every day for years, I have gone to therapy, I have taken pills and honestly I don't know what I can do to ever make it go away fully. How do you tell people that there are days when you wish you had never been born because the pain is too much. I try to hide it from everyone and I hope no one can see through the mask I wear on those days. I don't let people see the pain, and maybe that's why I feel a need to write it out on here. I don't want to go back to how I was a few years ago when I couldn't see a way out for months on end, and I am afraid that I am going back down that road. I am scared shit-less just thinking that it is even a possibility.
Hopefully tomorrow is a better day.
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